Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you. The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all...
Don’t like me? Cool, I don’t wake up every day to impress you.
The only reason I am fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
Was going to rob a bank today but the pen was chained to the desk.
It's funny how all trust goes away when you can't find the remote. ''Are you sitting on the remote?'' No. ''Stand up''.
Yes, I agree. Mums can find everything. Except for the ringing phone in their bags!
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^).
God is really creative, i mean...just look at me.
May I go to the toilet = I'm fucking bored.
When I drink alcohol... Everyone says I'm alcoholic. But... When I drink Fanta.. No one says I'm fantastic.
Why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body.
Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
They say "don't drink and drive". Well.... yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle. Yeah. I'm a badass.
That moment when a question on a test is so hard that even your inner voice is like "Fuck this shit lets work at McDonald's".
Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money. :').
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
I've found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?
I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!
I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
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